Day 73 -- Little Hercules

Released: 2009
     
Starring: Hulk Hogan, Paul Wight, Nick Hogan, Judd Nelson, Elliot Gould, Richard Sandrak
  
Writer/Director: Robert Boris/Mohamed Khashoggi

Description: Little Hercules travels from Mt. Olympus to live life as a mortal in Los Angeles

[Review may contain spoilers. Please watch movie before reading, unless you don't care. Most of these films have already been released for a while, so they should be readily available.]

***

Honestly, I don't know what to say. I'm left speechless by how utterly awful this movie is, and how it is feature length. This may be the shortest review I write because there really not much to criticize because all of it sucks. Oh, did I mention it was made in 3D. Ugh.

"Little Hercules" is about an unhappy half-mortal, half-immortal living on Mount Olympus, who really wants to live on Earth. After a so bad it's funny battle between Zeus (Hogan) and Marduk (Wight), Hercules (Sandrak) sneaks down on to Earth. This when he runs into the most stereotypical black character ever written, and the most boring high school ever where XX (Yes, that's his name), who is "played" by Nick Hogan, is the bully.

After Zeus and Marduk make some kind of "Name That Tune" bet on how long Hercules can stay on Earth, Herc begins to live like a mortal after his powers are stripped. Then, there's this thing with his sword, winning a track meet, and getting his powers back by following his heart. I really didn't pay too close attention because I was too busy banging my head on my coffee table, in the hopes that I would pass out and not have to watch it anymore.

To call any of the performances "acting" would be an insult to the art. I don't believe you could cast a movie with worst actors if you tried to do it on purpose. Sadly, that includes Eliot Gould and Judd Nelson (poor Bender). When you cast a movie and hire the entire Hogan family -- Brooke and Linda were in this abomination too -- you would have been better off using all the money involved in production as toilet paper. I hope this was one giant Punk'd on some jerk movie producer.

"Little Hercules" wouldn't even be good as a movie made by middle-schoolers. The plot's a mess, the actors are beyond awful, and the production itself was an insult to movie making. If I was involved in this movie, I would've cashed the check and then completely forgot it ever existed.  Like a bad 3 a.m. hook-up.

Rating: 0.5/10 -- *Bangs head on table*